Packing Anxiety

~ slfuchs

Packing for me is always stressful!

It does not matter whether it is a short trip or a long one, packing fills me with anxiety.  Yes, I have a carefully prepared list. Yes, I go over it several times. And still when I get where I am going, I always manage to have forgotten something.

Today our destination is Tampa where Vickie will receive what we hope will be her final chemotherapy session at the Moffitt Cancer Center. If all goes as we hope and pray it does, her protocol going forward will be to rest, regain strength and gradually return to her pre-cancer life.

The hotel where we stay is very near to the University of South Florida as is the Moffitt Center. Many of the hotel’s guests are Moffitt patients and their families.  The hallways and lobby of the hotel are full of encouraging posters made by USF students as well as elementary school children, with messages of encouragement and positivity for those undergoing treatment. The hotel staff is sensitively aware that many of their guests have not come to Tampa for vacation.

There is a gratis shuttle that takes hotel guests back and forth to the hospital. The drivers are courteous and encouragingly upbeat.  At Moffitt too, everyone we encounter from the attendants in the free valet parking lot, to the orderlies, clerks, nurses and elite cancer-specialist physicians are gracious, courteous and caring.

Even with these wonderful positives, the purpose of our trip exacerbates my packing anxiety. Worrying about how things might turn out only increases the high likelihood that I will forget to put something I need in my suitcase.

Vickie’s assurance that, “they have stores in Tampa where you can buy anything you might forget,” does not diminish the stress.

As I put the almost-forgotten pajamas into my bag, I remind myself of the vital fact that so many people traveling to Moffitt have grim prognoses, and, in the scheme of things we are very fortunate.  From the outset, Vickie’s doctors have said her condition is, “treatable and curable.”

From the beginning of Vickie’s cancer journey, I have held fast to those words. Now that we are approaching this pivotal juncture, I shall try to focus more on the hoped-for outcome of our trip and less on what might be missing from my suitcase when I get there.

Published by slfuchs

Loving husband, father, grandfather and rabbi. Author of, "What's in It for Me? Finding Ourselves in Biblical Narratives,” "ToraHighlights,” “Why the Kof?,” “Why Triple Chai?,” "Who Created God?," and "...And Often the First Jew." On October 17, 2017, Rabbi Fuchs was selected as the recipient of the Vanderbilt Divinity School's Distinguished Alumnus Award. To be considered for this award, one must demonstrate excellence and distinction in justice-making through their efforts in congregational ministry, religious institutions, non-denominational/all-inclusive organizations, community–based organizations, government, or other social institutions. Spent last four falls serving in Milan, Italy, (2013) and Germany (2014-2016). Otherwise, he enjoy writing and speaking after serving three congregations and as President of the World Union for Progressive Judaism. He is currently serving as Rabbi of Bat Yam Temple of the Islands, Sanibel, Florida.

11 thoughts on “Packing Anxiety”

  1. I didn’t know about Vicky . Prayer’s definitely from my heart to yours.
    My sister was treated at Moffit in Tampa during her lung cancer journey. A very good facility. She is in good hands. Love and strength . Mindy 💜

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  2. Dear Rabbi Fuchs: In a quote credited to Shakespeare, “Present dangers are less than future imaginings (Shakespeare).” …. Anxiety can (and many times does, un-fortunately, in fact) drain us of our energies …. When we realize that your beautiful Wife Vickie is the hands of un-surpassed care-giving expertise and authority in their respective field of discipline-&-study, … then we know, and we can subsequently state, that you have done only the best that you can do, … and we must rest our trust in G-d …. We pray — in the name of G-d — for the health (and the wealth) of Dear Vickie and her well-being …. In both caring concern and hope, Mark.

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  3. Dear Steve, having anxiety in your position is unavoidable. If you stop fighting it and embrace it, it will go thru you and your confidence will return like the light ………….. Courage Vickie !!!

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  4. I was not aware of Vickie’s diagnosis. Prayers for her continued progress on this journey. This on top of all the other stresses you are facing has to be almost unbearable, but the strength the two of you share supporting each other and your faith will carry you through. Love to you both.

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  5. Dear Friend I very much understand your relationship with anxiety for I too have it every time I travel. Maybe we can make of this companion something positive by remembering that is only there to make us be better for the other, for Vicky, for friends. Although annoying as it is we should try to learn to be the pilot… and even when in its presence, we decide to feed it or not.
    Many hugs for you and sweet Vicky as she remains the successful warrior in this story .

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